Gloomy Sunday

Isn't that just weird? Sunday is supposed to be a SUN DAY and it's cloudy. I feel like too lazy to do anything, including posting something. But I need a place where I can tell my feeling and I bet no one is going to see this post either so it's safe hahah I guess.

I realized that true love exist. Like for example my grandparents. They're old, 80s and 70s something. They've been married for 44 years. That's almost a half of century. I know love sticks them. I never seen them fighting like my parents, and I just kinda curious why they're not like my parents. Probably, they've been together for too long and they just kinda lazy for a fight. HAHAHA,jk.

My parents don't fight often. But when they do, I just lay in my bed, cuddling, and trying to sleep to forget all of the madness. I'm afraid of my sister. She's only 11. I don't think she could handle and be strong. She's weaker than I am. I know it. She can't be as strong as me. That's what I'm afraid of.

This time, I really need a rest time from love thing. I like someone, but we're way different. But, differences makes perfect right?

And I realized.

My grandparents don't fight because they have much differences. My grandmother is a talkative person and my grandfather is a quiet person. I mean, my grandpa talks, but he usually talks about past life. They have a huge differences.

And my parents are similar. They both smart. One is cunning and also the other one. One is selfish and one is too. I think, similarity is boring.

Shouldn't we have differences? I mean, people are different. If all of people is just like Taylor Swift or Taylor Lautner, world would be so boring! We are different. Like Taylor Swift, the curls, the amazing voice, the attitude. And Lautner, the muscles, the packs, the face. We would never seen anyone who  looks exactly like them. And IF someone do a plastic surgery, they still don't similar. DNA, bacterias, character, would never be the same! GOD makes every one is different.

AND THE DIFFERENCES MAKES A REALLY, REALLY, REALLY GOOD AND LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP ;)

NB: so, me and my crush are different, so we can be together right.

HAPPY GLOOMY(SUN)DAY!! -s-

Think Positively!

Sekarang hari rabu, artinya in the middle of the week. I heard from someone, katanya sih hari yang paling bikin bete dan istilahnya bad day banget tuh hari rabu. I had bad experiences that happened on Wednesday. Dan those experiences itu tetap menghantui gue selama bulan-bulan terakhir di sekolaah :( *ceritanya sedih*

Rabu ini sebenernya gak gimana-gimana. Berubung kata orang setiap hari itu unik, jadi gue flashback dulu sepanjang hari ini, dari jam 5.30 pagi gue bangun sampe jam 5.00 sore sekarang.

Tadi pagi gue sarapan yang biasa, roti. Mandi cepet-cepet, terus berangkat buru-buru jam setengah tujuh kurang. Sampe disekolah, untungnya belom jam setengah tujuh jadi gue gak telat. Terus apa lagi ya? Gue mikir kayanya hari ini terlalu flat...

Gue baru sadar apa yang terjadi hari ini, yang membuatnya unik. Pagi tadi gue mimpi absurd banget sampe bangun-bangunnya gue senyam-senyum, terus ngelanjutin mimpi gue yang absurd dengan khayalan. Dan gue sadar, kemarin2 gak pernah gue bangun-bangun senyum. Terus gue merasa ada firasat baik kalo hari ini gak akan sesial hari rabu yang kemarin, jadilah sepanjang pagi gue tersenyum...

Dulu gue berasumsi kalo pagi-pagi gue nangis atau ngambek, pasti siangnya sial. Eh bener. Dan pemikiran gue ini selalu membuat sial. Kesialan gue berlanjut, jadi seharian gue ngambek dan menduuung banget mukanya.

Kalo dipikir-pikir, ada hikmahnya juga sih. Kalo dari pagi gue mikir 'Ah, palingan hari ini sial' atau komen negatif lainnya, walaupun dalam hati doang, gue akan sial. Tapi, kalo gue senyum atau berpikir positively, gue akan merasa senang sampai gue tidur malam harinya, walaupun sebenernya kegiatan gue hari itu biasa aja. Kegiatan apapun, seberat apapun, sebosen apapun, kalo dikerjain dengan hati yang senang dan mood lagi bagus, pasti kegiatan itu terasa menyenangkan dan gak ngebosenin.

So, tomorrow I'll start a new day. I'll start it with a smile and think positively! -s-

Today's Thoughts

I had a bad dream on my nap. I don't remember it clearly but I know it was a bad dream. And right before I write this post I thought (and still thinking right now) about my past life. I think, that's the reason why I had bad dream.

For example, my horrible ex. I know this is mad but, we broke up almost 8 months ago and he already got a new girlfriend. It's not a short time to find the new one actually. But we are (my school mates and I) gonna face the National Examination which means, no more internet surfing (I'm kinda feel bad about that. I love my internet life...), no more lovey-dovey thingy, no more games, and no more laziness (argggghh). Just focus on the exam. What I complain about is not about these things. I complain the timing. Why the heck he doesn't date his new gf after the graduation? That will make my life a lot easier! (I was thinking that I'm jealous, but no. I like someone else.) Huh, teenagers love life is bad.

I also had another love life thing. I fell in love with him, uh let's say he's A. I loved A like a hell and I spent my past 10 months with him. He looked like he really loved me that time. We promised to be happy together. Or, that was just me who promised. People said that 'don't promise when you're happy' and I (that time) didn't know what it really means. Until one day, we broke up.

A left me with some feelings that I can't explain. I left him with some words I can't tell, and I really don't want to say those words again even if he ask me to. Then I see a tweet from someone on my twitter Timeline. The tweet was exactly like I wrote, 'Don't promise when you're happy'. I realized something. He loved me and that made me happy. Maybe, I loved him and he was happy too. Maybe, we were too happy and we promised. And the promise has broken like a ripped paper. I realized what I've done. And that was no good at all. He probably thought the same way as I did, but he choose to let it (his feelings for me and memories) go.

Maybe, all of my past life are bad. I'm no good at all. Maybe if I let go, like he did, I'll find a better boy than he is. Maybe if I let go my guilty on my head, I'll feel free to in love again. But, can I forget and erase easily those good times I spent with him? Can I erase those guilty feelings of my past?

My past life is actually in the category of 'worst past life', if I compare with my friends'. I actually really want to erase those bad things I did. I want to delete those, and replace them with good ones. I do, really do. But the question is, would my God will accept my apology? Am I still an innocent?

Questions are questions. I'll find the answer b myself, and I think I'm on the way to God's apologize.

Have a nice weekend! -s-

He is my ex

He is one of my ex. I don't hate nor love him now. He's like, um, ignoring me. Like, when i dmed him several weeks ago (to ask something important: school task!!) he replied my messages like he was talking to an alien. Am I an alien? Uggghh!! I just want to ask him a favor to do something to me. Nothing elseeeeeeeee. Argggg. Now he likes someone. The clue is, the girl has an 'A' letter in her name. Well, kinda suck. There's a lot people with the 'A' letter and of course, he don't want me to know who he likes. Well, i just hope that girl will make him happier than when he was with me. Lol. Is this a jealous thing? Idk, maybe yes. Or probably no. Bcs when i see him, he's just like wanna run but he couldnt. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh what the heck did i do to him!? Idk anything. Did i do something wrong!? If yes why the heck he didnt tell me my fault!? Arrrrrgggg!!!!!!!

Dedicated to my horrible day

I think to much sometimes. And it hurts. No offense, but my friends are kinda hate me. Since they started to ignore me, I just think that they talking about me. Behind. Am i too much worried? Well, I am. Not the friends like these 3 closest friends of mine, but the whole class. They. Started. To. Ignore. Me. I feel like I'm a bitch, well, i think i was. But I've changed. Everyone deserves a second chances,right? I know im not good enough though. But, here I am. This is me. Accept it, wheter you like it or not. Ya. I'm melodramatic. But i just think this way. And I don't know where to write down these feelings. These feelings have been stuck in my head since second semester. Argggggh, i just hope they know what i've been thinking the whole semester...